Act 1

(David waits at restaurant)

[00:00 Waitress pouring wine]

David: Thank you.

(Waitress: Can I get you anything else? ——cv: 冷雪轻吟)

David: No, I’m fine. Thanks. Cheers.

[00:11 David picks up phone, dials.]

David: (While dialing, impatiently) Just a waste of time.

(Sister: You still there? ——cv: 莫里斯)

David: Yep. She’s half an hour late.

(Sister: You sure she’s not there?)

David: No, Monica. No, She’s fucking blown me off.

(Sister: Out. She’s blown you out, David. Learn to talk.)

David: Whatever. Anyway, I’m going to go home.

(Sister: Give her another 15 minute. Maybe she… You know… had to take a dump at the last moment.)

David: What?

(Sister: I always get like that if I’m stressed. I should allow more crapping time when I’m hurrying…)

David: (interrupts) Monica. What are you talking about?

(Sister: Anyway. What’s her name?)

David: (hesitates) Celeste.

(Sister: That’s not good. Who the fuck is called Celeste?)

David: (impatiently) Monica, seriously, I… Jesus.

(Hangs up)

David: (to himself) There you go then, just absolutely pointless. I don’t know what I’m doing here… (spots Mia by the bar)

[01:11 Mia typing on her phone]

[David stands up and walks to Mia]

David: Hi. Sorry, em… Are you called Celeste?

Mia: No.

David: Sorry. You just look like the person that I’m meeting. But she’s supposed to be in red.

Mia: (gesturing across her dress showing it’s black) Well…

David: Yeah, I can see, you know. (Skeptically) It’s just strange cos, you, er, you do look like her photograph. Or maybe she’s a bit younger… I don’t know.

Mia: I’m really sorry I can’t help…

David: (interrupts) Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. Hopefully.

[01:50 David walks back]

Mia: (to herself) Fuck’s sake. 

[01:56 Mia walks up to David]

David: (looks up) It… It IS you.

Mia: (awkwardly) Yeah. I, erm… I decided not to do this. 

David: Oh… Oh, Oh, ok…

Mia: (interrupts) No offense.

David: (angrily) No, no, no, none taken, Celeste. It’s fine. What? Do you… do you always do that? Come in disguise, you know. I’ve been sitting here waiting like a div.

Mia: Yeah, well, there’s a lot of tossers out there.

David: Well… OK. I guess you nailed me…

Mia: (interrupts) No. OK, I didn’t mean you.

David: (impatiently) Cheers, Thank you very much. It’s fine.

Mia: (harshly) Just don’t wear the tie with the jeans. It makes you look like a Belgian.

David: (unbelievably) Huh!

Mia: I’m not sorry.

David: No, no. You don’t look that sorry.

Mia: You’re just… you’re just not my thing.

David: Ok, ok. (Looks away)

[02:58 Mia stares at him, sits down and continues staring]

Mia: It’s just different here… in the flesh, isn’t it? It’s different.

David: (shrugs) I don’t know. I suppose. I’ve never done this before.

Mia: (surprisingly) Oh?

David: Yep, this is my first time, ahem.

Mia: Whoa, ok, so, so you just thought I would be your friendly teacher in your journey through love or something? I mean, how long have you been signed up?

David: About six months.

Mia: Aha, wow…

David: (interrupts) Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, Celeste. As it goes, I don’t like people who are late.

Mia: (unbelievably) Late?

David: Late. Yeah. And now you’ve just blown me off.

Mia: I’m sorry, what?

David: Nice meeting you. Ok? Nice meeting you. I’m just gonna sit and have some dinner, read my book, and probably have a starter now and all. (To waitress) Excuse me.

(03:53 Waitress: (to Mia) Oh, hi. You’ve arrived. Can I get you a drink or anything?)

David: No. It’s fine. She’s going. But, em, can I order? Is that all right?

(Waitress: Yep. That’s fine. So I can take you through some starters. We, em, we don’t have that.)

David: (to mia) Bye. (To waitress) You don’t have what, sorry?

(Waitress: We don’t have this. Ok, so, this is what we’ve got. Unfortunately we’ve run out of that and that.

David: You see, the scallops? Are they fresh?

[04:20 Mia walks out]

(Waitress: Yep, they are. We’ve got them. I could do that for you.)

David: (stares at Mia, absent-mindedly) Right, erm… Yeah, scallops would be good.

Act 2

[00:00 Mia Dialing]

(Friend: Did you leave? ——cv: kkkk0909)

Mia: Yeah. He’s wearing a tie with jeans.

(Friend: Oh, fuck. Get out of there.)