CHAPTER 12 Why Some Friendships Naturally Fade

Here's what happened.

One of the most fun times in my life was when I was a young mom of three. We lived in a neighborhood with a huge group of friends, and were all raising our kids together, hanging out with each other, and building a really incredible community.

We all had kids the same age who went to the same public elementary school. It was one of the most social and fun periods of my life, because we were bumping into our friends all the time because of the kids, school, and their schedules overlapping. I honestly felt like I was back in high school again with constant plans, invitations, and groups of people to hang out with.

There were two couples in particular that we grew very close to, and we did tons of things together with our kids—going away for the weekend, Halloween trick-or-treating, coaching Saturday morning town soccer, Sunday brunches, football parties, barbecuing all the time, you name it.

Chris and I were genuinely happy. It felt like pure luck that we had moved into a suburban town not knowing anyone, and truly struck gold because we met so many amazing couples who we loved spending time with—and our kids loved their kids too! It was too good to be true.

At the same time, one of our closest friends was living in a different state and always remarked on how jealous they were of our community and our large, fun circle of friends. We thought that the only way things could get better was if they moved with their kids to our town too.

So Chris and I started encouraging them: “You've got to move here!”

And so they did. In fact, they bought a house right across the street from the two couples that we did everything with. At first, I was SO excited. Imagine this—one of your closest friends not only moves to your town, but lives on the same street, and is becoming neighbors, with your current two best family friends! We lived a five-minute drive away—it was perfect!

So naturally, I expected it was going to be one big block party: All four families together all the time. Now, in the beginning, it was just as I'd hoped. They'd call us and invite us to drive over and join in on the random weeknight dinners. But then over time, something really unexpected started to happen. The invitations became fewer and fewer. And what became apparent was that the three families were hanging out without us. . . all the time.

Looking back, I now understand that of course they would be. Proximity matters. They lived across the street from one another. They could wave to each other from their front doors. They all had kids the same age who took the bus together and carpooled to sports together every single day.

And looking back on this, I get it. It wasn't personal at all. When you're standing next to somebody waiting for your kids to get off the bus, you naturally turn and ask, “What are you guys doing tonight? Want to come over for dinner?”

It makes total sense that they would all become best friends! And they are allowed to! But for me, my experience was watching this Atlanta couple ultimately and unapologetically take what I thought was our place in the friend group. And I didn't handle it well.