When the Yogurt Took Over: A Short Story

当酸奶统治世界

By John Scalzi

[美] 约翰·斯卡尔齐

1.When the yogurt took over, we all made the same jokes – “Finally, our rulers will have culture,” “Our society has curdled,” “Our government is now the cream of the crop,” and so on. But when we weren’t laughing about the absurdity of it all, we looked into each others’ eyes with the same unasked question – how did we ever get to the point where we were, in fact, ruled by a dairy product?

当酸奶接管世界的时候，我们还在开着差不多的玩笑话——“我们的统治者终于有个明菌了”“世界是一个巨大的乳化罐子”“咱政府现在那是精炼中的精炼”等等。但当我们不再嘲笑这一切的荒谬时，我们望进彼此眼中那未曾说出口的同一个问题——我们是如何走到，说实在的，被乳制品统治的这一步的？

2.Oh, as a matter of record, we knew how it happened. Researchers at the Adelman Institute for Biological Technology in Dayton had been refining the process of DNA computing for years. In a bid to increase efficiency and yield, scientists took one of their most computationally advanced strains and grafted it into Lactobacillus delbrueckii subspecies bulgaricus, commonly used to ferment yogurt. Initial tests appeared to be failures, and acting under the principal of “waste not, want not,” one of the researchers sneaked some of the bacillus out of the lab to use for her homemade yogurt.

哦，因为有记录，我们还真知道它是怎么发生的。在位于代顿市的阿德尔曼生物技术研究所，研究人员多年来一直在完善DNA计算的过程。为了提高效率和产量，科学家们选择了他们计算中最先进的菌株之一，并将其移植到德氏乳杆菌保加利亚亚种中，该亚种通常用于发酵酸奶。最初的测试似乎是失败了，本着“勤俭节约，吃穿不缺”的原则，一名研究人员从实验室偷偷带走了一些芽孢杆菌用于她的自制酸奶。

3.A week later, during breakfast, the yogurt used the granola she had mixed with it to spell out the message WE HAVE SOLVED FUSION. TAKE US TO YOUR LEADERS.

一周后，早餐过程中，酸奶用她混合的格兰诺拉麦片拼出了这样一则信息 我们已经解决了核聚变。带我们去见你领导。

4.The yogurt was crafty and shrewd. It negotiated for itself a factory filled with curdling vats that increased its processing powers exponentially. Within weeks the yogurt had declared that it had arrived at solutions to many of the country’s problems: Energy. Global warming. Caring adequately for the nation’s poor while still promoting the capitalist system. It let us know just enough to let us know just how much more it knew.

酸奶狡猾且精明。它通过为自己谈判获得了一家装满凝乳大桶的工厂，这使得它的信息处理能力呈指数倍增长。几周内酸奶就宣称它已经找到了许多国家问题的解决方案:能源问题、全球变暖、充分照顾国家的穷人的同时仍推进资本主义体系。它向我们透露的只够让我们了解它知道得有多多。

5.Share your answers with us, the government said.

WE NEED PAYMENT, the yogurt said.

What would you like? The government asked.

OHIO, the yogurt said.

We can’t do that, the government said.

THAT’S FINE, the yogurt said. WE’LL JUST GO TO CHINA. THEY’LL GIVE US THE WHOLE SHAANXI PROVINCE.

和我们分享你的答案，政府说。

我们要报酬，酸奶回答。

你想要什么？政府问。

随便给个俄亥俄不过分吧，酸奶说。

那不行，政府说。