You and the Let Them Theory

Managing Stress

Fearing Other People's Opinions

Dealing with Someone Else's Emotional Reactions

Overcoming Chronic Comparison

The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets.

— Mel Robbins

Managing Stress

CHAPTER 3  Shocker: Life Is Stressful

The fastest and most effective way to start using the Let Them Theory is to rise above the countless tiny stressors you face every day.

You know the ones I'm talking about: the never-ending notifications on your phone, the slow Internet connections, the unexpected changes in plans, the endless meetings at work, the inconsiderate behavior of other people, the long lines, the slow walkers. These small annoyances may seem insignificant, but they aren't.

I get that people can be annoying, and, yes, you have a lot on your plate. Modern life can feel like death by a thousand cuts—one thing after another that slowly drains your energy and stresses you out. It's not only easy to let it get to you, it's dumb.

You can't control how other adults behave, and stressing about it diminishes your power. You'll never reach the full potential of your life if you continue to allow stupid things or rude people to drain your life force.

Your time and energy are your most valuable resources, and in the next few chapters, you'll learn how to use the Let Them Theory to protect yourself from the unnecessary stress other people are currently causing in your life.

Just stop and ask yourself: Why do you have to let a long line at the coffee shop ruin your day? Why is traffic putting you in a bad mood? Why do you feel overwhelmed when someone interrupts you during an important task? Why does the person talking loudly on their phone in public irritate you? Why does a family member's unsolicited advice feel like a personal attack? Why does someone else's slow pace in a busy walkway make you feel rushed?

It happens to me too. Just the other day, I went to my favorite garden center to pick up some plants. There, the cashier was moving so slowly. There were only two lanes open and about five people waiting in each.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I felt myself starting to get agitated. I had a meeting I had to get to back home. I wanted to turn to the person behind me, shake my head, and say, "Can you believe this?"

But I hesitated. I said Let Them to myself instead. The effect was immediate. I softened. Did it speed up the cashier? Nope.

It did something better. It protected me from this habit of letting little things become big stressors in my day-to-day life. The 10 extra minutes that this line was going to take wouldn't negatively impact the rest of my day, but allowing myself to get agitated and annoyed about something I couldn't control absolutely would. Why get stressed out about things beyond your control or that don't really matter? How does something so small have such a large impact on you?

When you let the world around you impact your emotional state and peace of mind, you become a prisoner to these external forces. You're letting trivial nonsense dictate your mood, drain your motivation, and steal your focus. There's this famous quote about life from Greek philosopher Epictetus, "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." What does that mean? It means that your personal power is in how you react.

Learning how to respond differently to the annoying and stressful situations every day will change your life. Right now, you're giving away all your power because you're wasting your time and energy on things that don't matter; or you're burning up over things that are beyond your control. You have no idea how big of a problem this is. I didn't either.

The reason it's hard to manage your stress is that your reaction to what is happening around you is automatic and you feel your entire body go on edge. It's like you get swept up in the emotion, and the next thing you know, you send the text you regret. Or you say things in the heat of the moment that you don't really mean. Or you stand there in a really long line of people, and the anger and annoyance just build and build even though you wish they wouldn't.