Fearing Other People's Opinions

CHAPTER 5 Let Them Think Bad Thoughts about You

Poet Mary Oliver asked this question in her poem "The Summer Day": "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

I don't know what your answer to Mary Oliver's question is, but I do know this: Whatever it is that you plan to do, other people are going to have an opinion about it.

In the next few chapters, you'll learn how to use the Let Them Theory to stop allowing other people's opinions to hold you back from pursuing what you want and limiting the potential of your one wild and precious life.

You have no idea how big of a problem this is. Neither did I. It's easy to put on a facade that you don't care what other people think, but the reality is, we all do.

The truth is, people will have negative opinions about you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this fact. When you allow your fear of what other people think to stop you from doing what you want to do, you become a prisoner to other people's opinions.

This fear impacts every aspect of your life. It makes you procrastinate. It makes you doubt yourself. It paralyzes you with perfectionism. It's the reason you overthink.

This is where that ends. It's time to give people the freedom to think what they want. Let Them. It's time to set yourself free and Let Me make the small moves boldly and unapologetically that over time will transform your entire life.

The Let Them Theory was a gigantic wake-up call for me. I knew that I was worried about other people's opinions, but I had no idea how big of a problem it was until I started saying Let Them. Let Them judge. Let Them disapprove. Let Them have their opinions. Let Them think bad thoughts. Let Them talk about me behind my back.

Right now, you move through life with other people's opinions as your road map. You take the left or right turn based on what you anticipate other people might think or say, rather than making the turn you want to make. When you navigate your life trying to predict what people are going to think and say about you, you give your power away.

Instead of overthinking every move you make, what if you just Let Them think whatever the heck they want to think? It's life-changing to free yourself of this burden. Remember the fundamental law of human nature: You can't control what another adult says, does, or thinks. Try to and you'll regret it. The more you Let Them think what they want, the better your life gets.

What if you gave yourself permission to live your life, and you gave other people permission to think whatever they want about it? What if you pour your time and energy into your hobbies, your habits, your happiness?

What change would you make if you weren't worried about being judged? What is something that you are afraid to admit that you want? What belief are you nervous to be more vocal about? What have you been too scared to try because you have never done it before? What challenge or race or adventure have you been secretly yearning to do? What do you wish would happen at work but you are too afraid to ask? What conversation have you been avoiding? What picture have you been waiting to post?

That last one really hits home for me.

Welcome to Your Biggest Roadblock in Life

Ten years ago, I was just getting started as a motivational speaker. I was brand-new to the speaking industry. And, like a lot of new businesses, in the beginning, there was no money. To get started and get my foot in the door, I would reach out to small women's conferences and pitch myself to speak for free.

If you're starting a business, or you've got a side hustle, or you've started trying to make money online through social media, you're probably nodding your head, because in the very beginning, you're putting in a lot of work with zero return.

I started getting frustrated that a year had gone by, and I was getting better onstage and the audiences were getting bigger, but my bank account was getting smaller. Why? Because I was working a full-time job during the week and doing these speaking gigs for free on the weekends.

And as I wrote about in the Introduction of this book, this was during the period of time when my husband and I were struggling with massive financial debt, so I was highly motivated to figure out how to make money doing this.

I asked some of the more experienced speakers for advice on how to start getting paid, which is what I recommend you do in whatever business, venture, or side hustle you dream of launching.

Every business has a formula. Follow it. I say that because one of the things I see people get hung up on all the time is this belief that "I need to be different." That is a fancy way to say that you're afraid other people will think that you copied them. This is an example of how your fear of what other people think holds you back from following the most obvious, easiest, and most proven path to success.

Let Them think you copied them. Because you did. And they copied the formula from someone else. Because they did. Formulas exist because they work time and time again. You will make it unique because you will be putting yourself into the formula. Do not reinvent the wheel. Follow the formula and use it to your advantage.

Which is exactly what the experienced speakers told me to do. Every successful speaker does the same three things. And, until you do these things, you're not really in the speaking game.

Here is what they told me to do:

1. Build a simple website with photos of you on a stage, plus a description of your keynote and the main takeaways.

2. Get testimonials from a few event planners at past events you have spoken at and put them on the website.

And then most important:

3. Start posting about speaking online. Turn your social media into your marketing. Post photos from events. Post content related to your speech. Post photos with the event planners that hire you. Social media is how people find you. Social media demonstrates that you are a player in this industry. And social media is what will lead people to that one-page website so they can book you.

That is the formula. Follow it, and you will start getting paid. So, armed with that advice, I knew exactly what I needed to do. Plus, the stakes were really high. I needed the money to get my family out of debt. I was very clear about what I needed to do.