GOD OF CARNAGE

By

YASMINA REZA

Translated by

CHRISTOPHER HAMPTON

CHARACTERS

ALAN RALEIGH

ANNETTE RALEIGH

MICHAEL NOVAK

VERONICA NOVAK

All in their forties.

A living room. No realism.

Nothing superfluous.

PROPERTY LIST

Paper, pen Art books Cell phone Newspaper

Tray with drinks, clafouti, plates, forks, etc. Coffee

Coke

Basins, cloth, sponge Perfume bottle

Hair dryer

Bottle of rum, glasses Cigar box

Purse with compact, spectacle case with glasses

SOUND EFFECTS

Hair dryer Phone rings

The Novaks and the Raleighs, sitting down, facing one another. We need to sense right away that the place belongs to the Novaks and that the two couples have just met. In the centre, a coffee table, covered with art books. Two big bunches of tulips in vases. The prevailing mood is serious, friendly and tolerant.

VERONICA： So, this is our statement . . . You'll be doing your own, of course . . . At 5:30 P.M. on the third of November, in Cobble Hill Park, following a verbal altercation, Benjamin Raleigh, eleven, armed with a stick, struck our son Henry Novak in the face. This action resulted in, apart from a swelling of the upper lip, the breaking of two incisors, including injury to the nerve in the right incisor.

ALAN： Armed?

VERONICA： Armed? You don't like armed, what shall we say, Michael, furnished, equipped, furnished with a stick, is that all right?

ALAN： Furnished, yes.

MICHAEL： Furnished with a stick.

VERONICA： (Making the correction.) Furnished. The irony is, we've always regarded Cobble Hill Park as a haven of security, unlike Whitman Park.

MICHAEL： She's right. We've always said, Cobble Hill Park yes, Whitman Park no.

VERONICA： Absolutely. Anyway, thank you for coming. There's nothing to be gained from getting stuck down some emotional cul-de- sac.

ANNETTE： We should be thanking you. we should.

VERONICA： I don't see that any thanks are necessary. Fortunately, there is still such a thing as the art of co-existence, isn't there?

ALAN： Which the children don't appear to have mastered. At least, not ours!

ANNETTE： Yes, not ours! . . . What's going to happen to the tooth with the affected nerve?...

VERONICA： We don't know yet. They're being cautious about the prognosis. Apparently the nerve hasn't been totally exposed.

MICHAEL： Only a little bit of it's been exposed.

VERONICA： Yes. Some of it's been exposed and some of it's still covered. That's why they've decided not to kill the nerve just yet.

MICHAEL： They're trying to give the tooth a chance.

VERONICA： Obviously it would be best to avoid endodontic surgery.

ANNETTE. Well, yes . . .

VERONICA： So there'll be an interim period while they give the nerve a chance to recover.

MICHAEL： In the meantime, they'll be giving him ceramic crowns.

VERONICA： Whatever happens, you can't have an implant before you're eighteen.

MICHAEL： No.

VERONICA： Permanent implants can't be fitted until you finish growing.

ANNETTE： Of course. I hope . . . I hope it all works out.

VERONICA： Yes, I hope so. (Slight pause.)

ANNETTE： Those tulips are gorgeous.

VERONICA： They're from that little Korean deli up on Smith Street. You know, the one at the end.

ANNETTE： Oh, yes.

VERONICA： They come every morning direct from Holland, forty dollars for a bunch of fifty.

ANNETTE： Oh, really!

VERONICA： You know, the one at the end.

ANNETTE： Yes, yes.

VERONICA： You know he didn't want to identify Benjamin.

MICHAEL： No, he didn't.

VERONICA：  Impressive sight,  that child,  face bashed in, teeth missing, still refusing to talk.

ANNETTE： I can imagine.

MICHAEL： He also didn't want to identify him for fear of looking like a tattletale in front of his friends, we have to be honest, Veronica, it was nothing more than bravado.

VERONICA： Of course, but bravado is a kind of courage, isn't it?

ANNETTE： That's right . . . So how…? What I mean is how did you manage to get Benjamin's name?...

VERONICA： Well, we explained to Henry he wasn't helping this child by shielding him.

MICHAEL： We said to him if this child thinks he can keep on hitting people with impunity, why should he stop?

VERONICA： We said to him if we were this kid's parents, we would definitely want to be told.

ANNETTE： Absolutely.

ALAN： Yes . . . (His cell phone vibrates.)

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ALAN: Excuse me . . . (He moves away from the group; as he talks, he pulls a newspaper out of his pocket.) Yes, Murray, thanks for calling back. Right, in today's Times, let me read it to you . . . According to a paper published in the Lancet and taken up yesterday in the Financial Times, two Australian researchers have revealed the neurological side effects of Antril, a hypertensive beta-blocker, manufactured at the Verenz-Pharma laboratories. These side effects range from hearing loss to ataxia . . . So who the hell is your media watchdog . . . Yes, it's very goddamn inconvenient . . . No, what's most inconvenient about it as far as I'm concerned is the annual shareholders' meeting's in two weeks. Do you have an insurance contingency to cover litigation? . . . OK . . . Oh, and Murray, Murray, ask your PR gal to find out if this story shows up anywhere else . . . Call me back. (He hangs up.) . . . Excuse me.

MICHAEL： So you're . . .

ALAN： A lawyer.

ANNETTE： What about you?

MICHAEL： Me, I have a wholesale company, household goods; and Veronica's a writer and works part-time in an art history bookshop.

ANNETTE： A writer?

VERONICA： I contributed to a collection on the civilization of Sheba, based on the excavations that were restarted at the end of the Ethiopian- Eritrean war. And I have a book coming out in January on the Darfur tragedy.

ANNETTE： So you specialize in Africa.

VERONICA： I'm very interested in that part of the world.

ANNETTE： Do you have any other children?

VERONICA： Henry has a nine-year-old sister, Camille. Who's furious at her father because last night her father got rid of the hamster.

ANNETTE： You got rid of the hamster?

MICHAEL： Yes. This hamster makes the most godawful racket all night, then spends the whole day fast asleep! Henry was in a lot of pain last night; he was being driven crazy by the noise that the hamster was making. And, to tell you the truth, I've been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, so I said to myself, OK, that's it, I took it and put it in the street. I thought they loved drains and gutters and all that, but I guess not, it just sat there paralyzed on the sidewalk. Well, they're not domestic animals, they're not wild animals, I don't really know where their natural habitat is. Dump them in the woods, they're probably just as unhappy, so I don't know where you're supposed to put them.

ANNETTE： You left it outside?

VERONICA： He left it there and tried to convince Camille it had run away. But she wasn't having it.

ALAN： Was the hamster gone this morning?

MICHAEL： Gone, yes.

VERONICA： And you, what field are you in?

ANNETTE： I'm in wealth management.

VERONICA： Is it at all possible . . . forgive me for putting the question so bluntly, that Benjamin might apologize to Henry?

ALAN： It'd be good if they talked.

ANNETTE： He has to apologize, Alan. He has to tell him he's sorry.

ALAN： Yes, yes. Of course.

VERONICA： But is he sorry?

ALAN： He realizes what he's done. He just doesn't understand the implications. He's eleven.

VERONICA： If you're eleven, you're not a baby any more.

MICHAEL： You're not an adult either! We haven't offered you anything, coffee, tea, is there any of that clafouti left, Ronnie? It's an extraordinary clafouti!

ALAN： I wouldn't mind an espresso.

ANNETTE： Just some water.

MICHAEL： (To Veronica, on her way out.) Espresso for me too, sweetie, and bring the clafouti anyway. (After a hiatus.) What I always say is, we're a lump of potter's clay and it's up to us to fashion something out of it. Perhaps it won't take shape till the very end. Who knows?

ANNETTE： Mm.

MICHAEL： You have to taste this clafouti. Good clafouti is an endangered species.

ANNETTE： You're right.

ALAN： What is it you sell?

MICHAEL： Domestic hardware. Locks, doorknobs, soldering irons, all sorts of household goods, saucepans, frying pans

ALAN： Money in that, is there?

MICHAEL： Well, you know, it's never exactly been a bonanza, it was pretty hard when we started. But if I'm out there every day pushing my product, we survive. At least it's not seasonal, like textiles. Although we do sell a lot of fondue pots around Christmastime!

ALAN： I'm sure . . .

ANNETTE： When you saw the hamster sitting there, paralyzed, why didn't you bring it back home?

MICHAEL： Because I couldn't pick it up.

ANNETTE： You put it on the sidewalk.

MICHAEL： I took it out in its cage and sort of tipped it out. I don't like to touch rodents. (Veronica comes back with a tray. Drinks and the clafouti.)

VERONICA： I don't know who put the clafouti in the fridge. Monica puts everything in the fridge, she won't be told. What's Benjamin said to you? Sugar?

ALAN： No, thanks. What's in the clafouti?

VERONICA： Apples and pears.

ANNETTE： Apples and pears?

VERONICA：  My own little recipe. (She cuts the clafouti and distributes slices.) It's going to be too cold, it's a shame.

ANNETTE： Apples and pears, this is a first.

VERONICA： Apples and pears, it's pretty textbook, but there's a little trick to it.

ANNETTE： There is?

VERONICA： Pears need to be cut thicker than apples. Because pears cook faster than apples.

ANNETTE： Ah, of course.

MICHAEL： But wait, she's not telling you the real secret.

VERONICA： Let them try it. ALAN. Very good. It's very good.

ANNETTE： Tasty.

VERONICA： … Gingerbread crumbs!

ANNETTE： Brilliant!

VERONICA： To be quite honest, I got it from his mother.

ALAN： Gingerbread, delicious . . . Well, at least all this has given us a new recipe.

VERONICA： I'd have preferred it if it hadn't cost my son two teeth.

ALAN： Of course, that's what I meant.

ANNETTE： Strange way of expressing it.

ALAN： Not at all, I . . . (His cell phone vibrates, he looks at the screen.)

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ALAN: I have to take this . . . Yes, Murray . . . No, no, don't ask for right of reply, you'll only feed the controversy . . . Are you insured? Mm, mm What are these symptoms, what is ataxia? What about on a standard dose? . . . How long have you known about this? . . . And all that time you never recalled it? . . . What's the gross? . . . Ah, got it. I see . . . (He hangs up and immediately dials another number, scarfing clafouti all the while.)

ANNETTE： Alan, do you mind joining us?

ALAN： Yes, yes, I'm coming . . . (To the cell.) Serge? . . . They've known about the risks for two years . . . An internal report, but it didn't formally identify any undesirable side effects . . . No, they took no precautions, they didn't insure, not a word about it in the annual report . . . Impaired motor skills, stability problems, in short you look completely retarded . . . (He laughs along with his colleague.) They are grossing one hundred and fifty million dollars … Blanket denial … Idiot wanted to demand a right of reply. We certainly don't want a right of reply, on the other hand if the story spreads we could put out a press release, say it's disinformation leaked two weeks before the shareholders' meeting . . . He's going to call me back . . . OK. (He hangs up.) I haven't had lunch.

MICHAEL： Please, help yourself, help yourself. ALAN. Thanks. I have no manners. What were we saying?

VERONICA： That it would have been nicer to meet under different circumstances.

ALAN： Oh, yes, right. So the clafouti, it's your mother's?

MICHAEL： The recipe is my mother's, but Ronnie made this one.

VERONICA： Your mother doesn't mix pears and apples!

MICHAEL： No.

VERONICA： Poor thing has to have an operation.

ANNETTE： Really? What for?

VERONICA： Her knee.

MICHAEL： They're going to insert a rotatable prosthesis made of metal and polyethylene. She's wondering what's going to be left of it when she's cremated.

VERONICA： Don't be horrible.

MICHAEL： She refuses to be buried next to my father. She wants to be cremated and put next to her mother who's all on her own in Florida. Two urns, looking out to sea, trying to get a word in edgewise. Ha, ha! … (Smiles all round. Pause.)

ANNETTE： We're very touched by your generosity. We appreciate the fact you're trying to calm the situation down rather than exacerbate it.

VERONICA： Frankly, it's the least we can do.

MICHAEL： Yes!

ANNETTE： Not at all. How many parents standing up for their children become infantile themselves? If Henry had broken two of Benjamin's teeth, I'm afraid Alan and I would have been a lot more thin-skinned about it. I'm not certain we'd have been so broadminded.

MICHAEL： Of course you would!

ALAN： She's right. Not at all certain.

MICHAEL： Oh, yes. Because we all know it could easily have been the other way around. (Pause.)

VERONICA： So what does Benjamin have to say about it? How does he view the situation?

ANNETTE： He's not saying much. I think he's still slightly in shock.

VERONICA： He understands that he's disfigured his playmate?

ALAN： No. No, he does not understand that he's disfigured his playmate.

ANNETTE： Why are you saying that? Benjamin understands very well!

ALAN：  He understands he's behaved like a thug, he does not understand that he's disfigured his playmate.

VERONICA： You don't care for the word, but the word is unfortunately accurate.

ALAN： My son has not disfigured your son.

VERONICA： Your son has disfigured my son. Come back at five and have a look at his mouth and teeth.

MICHAEL： Temporarily disfigured.

ALAN： The swelling on his lip will go down, and as for his teeth, take him to the best dentist, I'm prepared to chip in

MICHAEL： That's what the insurance is for. What we'd like is for the boys to make up so that this sort of thing never happens again.

ANNETTE： Let's arrange a meeting.

MICHAEL： Yes. That's the answer.

VERONICA： Should we be there?

ALAN：They don't need to be coached. Just let them do it man to man.

ANNETTE： Man to man, Alan, don't be ridiculous. Having said that, we don't necessarily have to be there. It'd probably be better if we weren't, wouldn't it?

VERONICA： The question isn't whether we should be there or not. The question is do they want to talk to one another, do they want to have a discussion?

MICHAEL： Henry wants to.

VERONICA： What about Benjamin?

ANNETTE： It's no use asking his opinion.

VERONICA： But it has to come from him.

ANNETTE： Benjamin has behaved like a hooligan, we're not interested in what mood he's in.

VERONICA： If Benjamin is forced to meet Henry in a punitive context, I can't see the results would be very positive.

ALAN： Madam, our son is a savage. To hope for any kind of spontaneous repentance would be fanciful. Right, I'm sorry, I have to get back to the office. You stay, Annette, you'll tell me what you've decided, I'm no use whichever way you cut it. Women always think you need a man, you need a father, as if they'd be any help at all. Men are a dead weight, they're clumsy and maladjusted, oh, you can see the F train, that's great!

ANNETTE： I'm so embarrassed, but I can't stay either . . . My husband has never exactly been a stroller dad!

VERONICA： What a pity. It's lovely, taking the baby for a walk. And it lasts such a short time. You always enjoyed taking care of the children, didn't you, Michael, you loved pushing the stroller.

MICHAEL： Yes, 1 did.

VERONICA： So what have we decided?

ANNETTE： Could you come by the house with Henry about seven- thirty?

VERONICA： Seven-thirty? . . . What do you think, Michael?

MICHAEL： Well . . . Honestly . . .

ANNETTE： Go on.

MICHAEL： I think Benjamin ought to come here.

VERONICA： Yes, I agree.

MICHAEL： I don't think it's right for the victim to go traipsing around.

VERONICA： That's right.

ALAN： Personally, I can't be anywhere at seven-thirty.

ANNETTE： Since you're no use, we won't be needing you.

VERONICA： All the same, it would be better if his father were here.

(Alan's cellphone vibrates.) 播放手机来电振动音效

ALAN： All right, but then it can't be this evening . . . Yeah? There's no mention of this in the executive report. And no risk has been formally established. There's no evidence. (He hangs up.)

VERONICA： Tomorrow?

ALAN： I'm flying to The Hague tomorrow.

VERONICA： You're working in The Hague?

ALAN： I have a case at the International Criminal Court.

ANNETTE： The main thing is that the children speak to one another. I'll bring Benjamin here at seven-thirty and we can leave them to have their discussion. No? You don't look very convinced.

VERONICA： If Benjamin is not made aware of his responsibilities, they'll just look at each other like a pair of china dogs, it'll be a catastrophe.

ALAN： What do you mean? What do you mean, made aware of his responsibilities?

VERONICA： I'm sure your son is not a savage.

ANNETTE： Of course Benjamin isn't a savage.

ALAN： Yes he is.

ANNETTE： Alan, this is absurd, why say something like that?

ALAN： He's a savage.

MICHAEL： How does he explain his behaviour?

ANNETTE： He doesn't want to discuss it.

VERONICA： But he ought to discuss it.

ALAN： He ought to do any number of things. He ought to come here, he ought to discuss it, he ought to be sorry for it, clearly you have parenting skills that put us to shame, we hope to improve, but in the meantime, please bear with us.

MICHAEL： All right! This is idiotic. Let's not end up like this!

VERONICA： I'm only thinking of him, I'm only thinking of Benjamin.

ALAN： I got the message.

ANNETTE： Let's just sit down for another couple of minutes.

MICHAEL： A little more coffee?

ALAN： A coffee, okay.

ANNETTE： Then I'll have one too. Thanks.

MICHAEL： That's all right, Ronnie, I'll do it. (Pause. Annette delicately shuffles some of the numerous art books dispersed around the coffee table.)

ANNETTE： I see you're a great art lover.

VERONICA： Art. Photographs. To some extent it's my job.

ANNETTE： I adore Bacon.

VERONICA： Ah, yes, Bacon.

ANNETTE： (Turning the pages.) . . . Cruelty. Majesty.

VERONICA： Chaos. Balance.

ANNETTE： That's right…

VERONICA： Is Benjamin interested in art?

ANNETTE： Not as much as he should be . . . What about your children?

VERONICA： We try. We try to fill the gaps in the education system.

ANNETTE： Yes . . .

VERONICA： We try to make them read. To take them to concerts and exhibits. We're eccentric enough to believe in the soothing powers of culture!

ANNETTE： And you're right . . . (Michael comes back with the coffee.)

MICHAEL： So, clafouti, is it a cake or a tart? Serious question. I was just thinking in the kitchen, Linzertorte, for example, is that a tart? Come on, come on, you can't leave that one little slice.

VERONICA： Clafouti is a cake. The pastry's not rolled out, it's mixed in with the fruit.

ALAN： You really are a cook.

VERONICA： I love it. The thing about cooking is you have to love it. In my opinion, it's only the classic tart, that's to say on a pastry base, that deserves to be called a tart.

MICHAEL： What about you, do you have other children?