The Let Them Theory：Let Them + Let Me
CHAPTER 1 Stop Wasting Your Life on Things You Can't Control
If you're struggling to change your life, achieve your goals, or feel happier, I want you to hear this: The problem isn't you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.
We all do it, often without realizing it. You make the mistake of thinking that if you say the right thing, everyone will be satisfied. If you bend over backward, maybe your partner won't be disappointed. If you're friendly enough, maybe your co-workers will like you more. If you keep the peace, maybe your family will stop judging your choices.
I know this because I've lived it. I spent years trying to be everything for everyone else, thinking that if I could just do enough, say the right things, and keep everyone happy, I'd finally feel good about myself.
But what happens instead? You work harder, bend further, and shrink yourself smaller, and still, someone is disappointed. Still, someone criticizes. Still, you're left feeling like no matter how hard you try, it's never enough.
It doesn't have to be this way. This book is here to help you take your power back. To stop wasting your time, energy, and happiness trying to control things you can't control—like other people's opinions, moods, or actions—and, instead, focus on the one thing you can control: you.
And here's the remarkable thing: When you stop managing everyone else, you'll realize you have a lot more power than you thought—you've just unknowingly been giving it away.
Let me introduce you to the simplest, most life-changing idea I've ever discovered: the Let Them Theory.
What Is the Let Them Theory?
The Let Them Theory is about freedom. Two simple words—Let Them—will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and start living.
Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, you'll learn to Let Them.
So, what does this look like? Imagine you're at work, and your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, just say Let Them. Let them be grumpy. It's not your problem. Focus on your work and how you feel.
Or maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices, and it hits you like a brick. Instead of letting it ruin your day, just say Let Him. Let him have his opinions. They don't change who you are or what you've accomplished or your right to make decisions that make you happy.
The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.
Here's why this works: When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behavior, opinions, or mood.
It sounds simple—and it is. But I'm telling you, this shift will change everything. And, even though it's called Let Them, this book is about YOU—your time and your energy—because these are the most precious resources you have.
The Let Them Theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And, the more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think, the better your relationships will be.
Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life. And it will change yours too, because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you'll see how much power you truly have.
But perhaps the most surprising thing about the Let Them Theory is how I discovered it in the first place.
I'm almost embarrassed to tell you the story.
I discovered something that changed my entire approach to life at. . . a high school prom. (Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write).
The Prom That Changed My Life
I don't know what it is about proms, but boy are they stressful. I went through four of them with our two daughters, so I figured our son Oakley's would be a breeze. I was wrong.
Our daughters had obsessed about every detail for months: dresses, dates, promposals, hairstyles, spray tans, makeup, corsages, bus rentals, post-prom parties. It was never-ending, and I was so glad when their proms were finally over.
Our son, on the other hand, wasn't sure he and his friends were even going to go. Despite my prodding, he communicated zero details or plans with us. (I know everyone with a son, a brother, or a boyfriend is nodding along with me right now.)