CHAPTER 4 Let Them Stress You Out

What about practicing Let Them and Let Me when it comes to something or someone that triggers your stress response every single day? According to research, work is the #1 cause of life stress for most people—and your manager has as much impact on your mental health as your spouse.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that because, as rewarding as work can be, it is filled with stress. From 4 p.m. meetings on a Friday, to dealing with rude customers, passive-aggressive emails, a micromanaging boss, doing work that you don't enjoy, feeling unappreciated, seeing no opportunity for advancement, false promises, surprise layoffs, or being completely understaffed and having extra work on your plate—it's always something.

And if you're like me, and you've started your own business or are trying to be a good manager, just double that list.

So how do you use the Let Them Theory to not let work stress you out? For example, what if you've been doing a great job, hitting all your numbers, going above and beyond, and your boss just isn't promoting you?

When you ask for an update, you get the stereotypical response that "the company's profits are down this year" and "my hands are tied" but "you add so much value to this team" lip service. It sucks.

You feel frustrated, discouraged, powerless, hostile, or demoralized. Dr. Aditi says this is why she's seeing burnout in record numbers right now: People are stuck in a state of chronic stress at work. And she added, your stress at work isn't changing so you need to change your approach to dealing with it.

I know when I've been in that situation, that's exactly how I felt. And the fact that you need your paycheck to pay your bills only makes you feel more stressed-out and powerless.

But as overwhelming as work may be right now, you are not powerless. So, how do you use the Let Them Theory to get your boss to give you the promotion you deserve?

You don't. Let Them string you along.

I know it's tough to hear, because it's true. Yes, it's not fair. Yes, you've earned the promotion. And yes, you deserve to be angry about it.

But Let Me ask you this question: Who is responsible for YOUR career? That's right, you are.

Besides, you can't control if your boss is going to promote you, give you a raise, or even move you to the cubicle that's closer to the window. No matter how much hard work you've put in, or how many compliments you've received, the decision is up to them.

So if you're in a situation where you've put in the effort, you have had the conversation, you've asked for the salary increase, you've hit your numbers, and you still are waiting for that promotion or title change or new desk and it's just not coming, you have to stop being mad and choose what you're going to do about it.

Because, guess what? If you let your emotions get the best of you, it's going to make you crazy. If you let the stress of this situation take over, you will never be able to think strategically about your next move.

You cannot let the stress of this make you stupid. You've got to be smart about how you're going to respond. Let Me. That's where your power lies.

If something at work is out of your control and you've done everything you can to try to influence it, it is dumb to waste any more time trying to change the situation. And it is even dumber to constantly let it stress you out. You are way smarter than that. Your life and the possibilities in it are always way bigger than your current job.