献给亲爱的女孩们：

You Don’t Want Love — You Want to Be Picked So You Feel Worthy

你想要的不是爱 —— 你想要被选中，这样你才觉得自己有价值

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Let's tell the truth. You don't actually want love. Not yet. What you want, what you've been chasing, is to be picked, chosen, validated. You want someone to point at you and say, “You, you're it. You're finally enough. Now I see you. I choose you.”

让我们实话实说：你其实并不想要爱，至少现在还不想。你想要的，你一直追寻的，是被选中、被选择、被认可。你想要有人指着你说：“你，就是你了，你终于足够好了，我看见你了，我选择你。”

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Because somewhere deep down in your system, you internalized a very dangerous equation: To be chosen is to be safe. To be desired is to be valuable. To be wanted is to be worthy. And anything that threatens that equation, anything that reminds you that real love is quiet and steady, you reject it. Because being picked by someone you had to earn. Especially someone emotionally unavailable, chaotic, hard to impress, that feels like redemption. That feels like healing. It's not. It's just another performance.

因为在你内心深处，你内化了一道非常危险的等式：被选中意味着安全，被渴望等于有价值，被需要证明你值得。任何威胁到这个等式的东西，任何提醒你“真正的爱是平静而稳定”的东西，都会被你拒之门外。因为，通过努力争取赢得某个人的选择，尤其是那个不对你付出真感情、混乱的、难以打动的人，你就感觉好像被救赎了，好像被治愈了。但其实你没有，这只是又一场表演。

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You know what? Let's rewind. Because this didn't start with romance. This started long before. Maybe it was a parent whose love you had to earn. A caregiver who praised you only when you were useful, but never when you were hurting. A family system that rewarded performance and punished emotional needs.

你知道吗？让我们追溯一下。因为这一切并非从浪漫爱情开始的，而是从很久以前就开始了。或许是你必须努力获取父母的爱，或许是养育者只在你有用时才给予赞扬，却从不在你受伤时给予关心，又或许是你的家庭只奖励表现优秀，却惩罚情感需求。

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