【求投币，求三连，您的支持就是我更新的动力呢】

Michael: 高级渣男

Jake: 顶级舔狗

Shannon: 高级渣女

【渣男对舔狗的一对一当面授课即将开始】

Michael: A recent survey found that a majority of men with a close female friend secretly hope their relationship would turn sexual. Herewith more on that shocking statistic is Jake who joins us live via satellite from the friend zone.

Jake: Hi!!! 【停一秒】 Hi, Michael. Um, I’m currently here deep in the friend zone helping my friend Shannon move into her new apartment. So, I’ve been driving boxes across town all day and carrying awkward furniture upstairs for a pretty girl who is not attracted to me, whatsoever. 【停一秒】Ummm... In fact, just today, Shannon said to me and I quote, “I can’t even picture you having sex,” which I find confusing because I can picture her having sex very easily.

Michael: Ouff! Yeah, well, tell us what’s the hardest part about being in the friend zone.

Jake: Um。。。, all of it, but nights are especially difficult. Often times Shannon will have drama with one of the selfish bad boys she is attracted to. Ask me to come over and we’ll sleep in the same bed so she’s not lonely. She easily falls asleep, whereas I lay awake all night actively suppressing an erection and painfully holding in gas.