6人就按颜色分，人多就按角色分，最多10人

Dr. Steele: 搜救小组的新闻发言人, 开发布会要语气严肃，不许笑场。语速偏慢，且懂英语谐音梗。

Carol: 行动新闻9套的另一位女主持人，总喜欢讲一些不合时宜的双关笑话。 作为一名主持人，语速较慢，发音抑扬顿挫，吐字得是正宗的midwest没有任何口音的

Julia: 一名姓氏很特殊的无辜百姓

Randall: 行动新闻9套的现场记者。毕竟是记者，语速慢，语气抑扬顿挫，发音吐字得是正宗的midwest没有任何口音的

Donald: 一名无辜来改名处的黑人百姓

消防员：见多识广的贱贱消防员

Mark:一名无辜来改名处的百姓

Alan：一名乐于助人的名人之后百姓

Nurse: 蚌埠住了笑的小护士

Dr. Donna: 来改名处的理性黑人博士大姐

【放BGM1】

Male Voice: Action 9, news at five, Nor Cal’s number one choice for news.

Carol: 【BGM没声就入】Good afternoon. Our top story, a 4.3 magnitude earthquake rattled Downtown Sacramento this morning, causing some structural damage. Our own Randall Fields is in Capital Plaza. 【主持人开始与记者连线】 Randall, besides the ground, 【冷死人的双关笑话是他们台主持人的老传统了】what’s shaking over there?

Randall: Uhhhhhh...........Well, lots, Carol. And given the severity of the situation, I found that earthquake pun in very poor taste. 【直接跳自己下一句，不要理会Carol】

Carol:【很小声又尴尬的】Yes...

Randall: 【接上面绿色】Uhh... I’m here at the social security administration building where a proportion of the second floor caved in, trapping several people who are in the legal change of name office below. I’m told the building was especially busy as due to the partial government shutdown, office hours have been limited.